The Fall

So it looks like my last post was nearly a year ago..my how things have changed.

The fall..well first there was the falling in love. I still can't believe I was so lucky to find the love of my life. Our lives together are so full of love and joy and happiness. We have found a life that works well for us and couldn't be happier. We have 3 amazing kids and life is pretty amazing. With comfortable love comes comfort in other things.

The fall..I just got lazy I found it easier to not go to the gym that to go and easier to eat the yummy bad foods than the ones that were good for me. To be honest my band was a great tool to help curve my appetite to the point that it would take such small amounts to fill me up but I was working out like crazy and just hurting myself because I wasn't taking in nearly enough calories. I also hadn't found the healthy foods that worked for me and my band so I was living off of ice cream and Mexican food, but I was dropping weight like crazy so that didn't seem like a bad deal huh?

Early Summer I started feeling the effects of the band and was having some issues with not being able to eat much at all so I went in and had an "unfill" which makes the band loose and makes the passage larger for foods. I started to be able to eat more and was feeling good..then in late August I was having a lot of issues I couldn't eat anything and my body was just not responding to anything so I went in and had more taken out of my band. That was the beginning of the end. My body was in full starvation ..the over a year of eating nothing had caught up and I was starving all the time and the bad thing was I was able to eat about anything again. So eat I did and eat and eat and eat. I never felt full...my body was like oh yeah bring it on I have missed this for the last year and a half.

I was in denial and in love...and the great thing about unconditional love is they don't tell you hey babe your becoming a fat ass ..you need to do something about it..they just love you. He was eating more because I was eating more and we woke up one day and were like what have we done. Me more than him... I thought I was past this feeling I thought I was over being the fat chic I thought I was done..but nope I fell right back to the bad all bad.

So here I am ..xx pounds heavier..I won't say because it is embarrassing what I have done to myself, but here I am. We joined a new gym at the beginning of the year..we have gotten involved with a trainer and a group fitness program that is awesome. I was back and forth about my band and then had a heart to heart with my trainer and my love and have decided that the band was hurting me not helping me..I wasn't mentally in the right place for it the help me in the right way and that I need to conquer this on my own first. I agreed to give my trainer 30 days and see where I am at that point before I decide to have my band tightened. I am learning to eat healthy and work out again.

I feel good..but it hasn't been long..I am writing this because this is my accountability. This makes it real. This is my out loud commitment to myself, my love, and our kids. I will do this...and I will be a skinny chic soon enough..the healthy way :)

kv

My Life..now

I am bad about updating this...but I am approaching my one year anniversary!! Looking back over the last year this has been the most emotional year of my life. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. A year ago starting this journey I had visions of where I would be today..and most of it has exceeded my expectations!! I have learned so much about myself and have dealt with so many things that I had buried and medicated with food. I feel so free and so happy! I am sad to say that I haven't lost as much weight as I hoped to in the first year..but I am not stopping it will just take me a little longer and that is ok!

I ran a 5k!! I found love!! I smile every day and I feel so great! I have an amazing support system and my son has been my rock and has kept me going! He is so amazing and so cute..he knows the good and bad of this and supports me! I did this for him I want to be around to dance at his wedding! I have to say thank you to all of you..I chose to do this publicly because I knew I needed accountability and encouragement..there were days when I cried and just wanted it out, but over all I have NO regrets it gave me my smile back and my life back!!

I will update on my 1 year anniversary to see exactly what my year loss is..

Thank you LORD most of all for all you have done for me! Thank you to all of my family and friends I love you all!!!

kv

The Mid Point

It has been so long since I have updated on here..sorry for those of you that actually like to read this :) I started reboot which was a 6 week work out program with a trainer in a group session with other lap band patients. Gloria was an amazing woman and really taught me a lot about myself that I am trying to work through. I started training to run a 5k on Thanksgiving day. When I started I couldn't run 30 seconds without feeling like I was having a heart attack. Now I am 7 weeks in and I ran 2 miles last week without stopping or dying and I kinda felt I could of gone a little further. I have a little less than a month until the race and I actually have a good feeling that I might actually be able to run the entire thing which is the goal!!

My goal was to lose 50 lbs by my 6 month anniversary but I didn't hit that goal. I was pretty disappointed, but I still have made good strides! I just have to remember that although my ultimate goal is to lose weight and be healthy I still plan to live a "normal" life which means if I want to eat ice cream or mexican then I am and not feeling guilty. If that means that my weight loss is a little slower then I am learning to be ok with that. I certainly know I can't have it both ways :)

To date I have lost 46 lbs which is not far off of my goal, just a month behind :) Now my new goal is to lose another 20 lbs by Christmas ..

The most important part is that I feel really really good I can't tell you what a difference I feel. Not drinking soda has a huge part of it and I don't even miss it anymore. I have started trying things in the past couple weeks that I wasn't able to eat before and they are going down so far. I do miss some things, but I know that if I had the chance to eat something and not be restricted that I would get right back to where I was quickly.

I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life to support me. I know I have said it before, but it makes me feel so happy and loved to have so many people cheering me on and being just as happy with my weight loss as I am!

I will do my best to update this more often :) I will for sure update after my race to hopefully report that I RAN the entire thing!! Then I will update at Christmas so we can see if I have in fact hit my next goal :)

One last thought..this is the month of Thanksgiving...remember to be thankful every day for what the Lord has given you! Give Thanks don't just expect and take for granted!!

kv

The Journey

It has been awhile since I have updated this. Things in my life has just been a little hetic!! I am 4 months and 2 weeks post surgery and things have been interesting! I was always planning to do the work! I planned to eat healthy and work out I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I really didn't expect how hard it was going to be. I have had my band filled 3 times and after the 2nd fill I wasn't going very well. Food was getting stuck and things just really hurt! I went back in and decided not to get another fill. I talked with the doc and had a few of my questions answered. I went back the first of August and she pulled out all of the fluid to see how much was really in there. On paper I showed one number but in reality I had much more. Which explained the pain I was in!! She added just a little bit more. The past 3 weeks have been really really tough. Most days I can't eat more than 3 or 4 bites of my meal before I have to stop. Not because I am full but because it hurts. I can literally feel everything going through my band and it is painful. It doesn't matter what I am eating. I can generally get ice cream down but that is obviously not the best option! If I was dropping a bunch of weight because I wasn't eating I would be ok with it, but I am not really losing because my body is in starvation mode. I think I have lost a few lbs but not much. I go back to the doctor on Sept 2nd and will talk with them a little more and see what they suggest. I am starting tomorrow to train for running a 5k on Thanksgiving and I think eating is going to be important! I am also going to be starting with the personal trainer provided by Malley Surgical 3 nights per week.

I did buy a smaller pair of pants and shirts so that is a good feeling, but I only have 2 months left before I hit my 6 month point and I wanted to be down a lot more than I am by then!!

kv

The Second Fill

So I have had 2 fills now in my band. After the first fill, I needed to chew better and eat smaller bites but I was still able to eat a little more than I thought I should. When I went in to the doctor for my 2nd fill I had lost 8.5 lbs in 2 weeks. I was really happy with that!! I had gained 4 at my last visit so now I am down a total of 22 lbs!!

I asked for a 2nd fill and he just put in a small amount this time. It has been a little rough this time. I have tried eating soft grilled chicken a few times and I get a few bites down and then something gets stuck. That is the most painful thing!! It feel like a combo of having a heart attack and suffocating. I can't breath and I can't drink it makes it feel worse, even swallowing is painful.

I tried eating pasta last night and that didn't work out at all. I ate some and then it got stuck and wouldn't pass. It hurt so bad and I was freaking out, I try to walk back and forth when something gets stuck to try to help it pass and this just wouldn't pass. Needless to say I threw it up. That was a little scary because there was no warning of it coming to even make it to the bathroom. Good thing I was at my mom's and not out in public somewhere.

So I am scared to eat much now, I am sticking to soft soft foods and still chewing really well.

I go back in Monday, but I don't think I am going to get another fill this time. I need to figure out what works with the amount I have in now I can't imagine adding more I am afraid I would be on an all liquid diet.

Fingers crossed for a big weight loss again when I go in. I am not letting myself weigh at home so I can be surprised :)

kv

The First Fill

Today was my first fill. I was happy to have it done, things have been a little to easy the past few weeks.

I have been a bit depressed lately which is a trigger for me to eat. My appetite has been full on recently and I have been able to eat just about anything and the portions have been getting larger too. So needless to say I was ready for today!!

I weighed in 4 lbs higher than my last visit, which brought me to tears in the office. Dr. Malley said that this was normal and good news because it means that I am healed. I think he was just being nice :)

The fill itself wasn't painful at all which was a relief because I am not a fan of needles!

What is a fill you ask? The plastic band has a "pillow" along the inside of it. The band also has a tube attached to a port. The doc injects saline into the port which "fills" the "pillow" to make the opening of the band tighter. This will allow less food to pass through and to make me feel more full more quickly. This also could mean that some foods may not be able to pass at all so I have to learn what will work for me and what won't. I am back on soft foods for 2 days after my fill and I go back to the doc in 2 weeks to see how things are going.

I hope to snap out of this funk soon :)

Keep sending happy thoughts my way!!

kv

Week 4

This is the end of week 4 and things have been pretty interesting. First of all I feel totally back to normal. I know that my doctor said that it would take a good 6 weeks or so to be totally healed but I do feel good. I have pretty much tried most all kinds of food just to see what would and wouldn't work. Sadly I haven't found anything that doesn't work. My band hasn't been "filled" yet so the passage way is larger than it will eventually be. So the things that I am able to eat now will probably not work after I get my band filled. I go in May 24th for my first fill. I have started walking this week and am going to start doing more in my work outs. I haven't lost any more weight so that is very sad, but it is my own fault. I just wanted to "test" the waters to see how I would do. I am seeing a difference in my portion sizes.

I will update after my first fill. I am sure it will be very different!