The Fall

So it looks like my last post was nearly a year ago..my how things have changed.

The fall..well first there was the falling in love. I still can't believe I was so lucky to find the love of my life. Our lives together are so full of love and joy and happiness. We have found a life that works well for us and couldn't be happier. We have 3 amazing kids and life is pretty amazing. With comfortable love comes comfort in other things.

The fall..I just got lazy I found it easier to not go to the gym that to go and easier to eat the yummy bad foods than the ones that were good for me. To be honest my band was a great tool to help curve my appetite to the point that it would take such small amounts to fill me up but I was working out like crazy and just hurting myself because I wasn't taking in nearly enough calories. I also hadn't found the healthy foods that worked for me and my band so I was living off of ice cream and Mexican food, but I was dropping weight like crazy so that didn't seem like a bad deal huh?

Early Summer I started feeling the effects of the band and was having some issues with not being able to eat much at all so I went in and had an "unfill" which makes the band loose and makes the passage larger for foods. I started to be able to eat more and was feeling good..then in late August I was having a lot of issues I couldn't eat anything and my body was just not responding to anything so I went in and had more taken out of my band. That was the beginning of the end. My body was in full starvation ..the over a year of eating nothing had caught up and I was starving all the time and the bad thing was I was able to eat about anything again. So eat I did and eat and eat and eat. I never felt full...my body was like oh yeah bring it on I have missed this for the last year and a half.

I was in denial and in love...and the great thing about unconditional love is they don't tell you hey babe your becoming a fat ass ..you need to do something about it..they just love you. He was eating more because I was eating more and we woke up one day and were like what have we done. Me more than him... I thought I was past this feeling I thought I was over being the fat chic I thought I was done..but nope I fell right back to the bad all bad.

So here I am ..xx pounds heavier..I won't say because it is embarrassing what I have done to myself, but here I am. We joined a new gym at the beginning of the year..we have gotten involved with a trainer and a group fitness program that is awesome. I was back and forth about my band and then had a heart to heart with my trainer and my love and have decided that the band was hurting me not helping me..I wasn't mentally in the right place for it the help me in the right way and that I need to conquer this on my own first. I agreed to give my trainer 30 days and see where I am at that point before I decide to have my band tightened. I am learning to eat healthy and work out again.

I feel good..but it hasn't been long..I am writing this because this is my accountability. This makes it real. This is my out loud commitment to myself, my love, and our kids. I will do this...and I will be a skinny chic soon enough..the healthy way :)

kv